Christopher Titus Quotes - Page 2

• Así que parece que debido a cada síndrome y trastorno que hemos inventado en los últimos veinte años, Los Angeles Times informó que el 63% de las familias estadounidenses ahora se consideran disfuncionales. ¡Dios mío! Eso significa que somos la mayoría. ¡Somos normales! Son las personas que tienen la mamá, el papá, el hermano, la hermana, la pequeña cerca blanca - ¡esas personas son los fenómenos, hombre!

  Christopher Titus

  Brother, Mean, Past

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  16 Copiar cita

• Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. But, you don't want to go to prison for that. Hey, dude, what are you in for? Armed robbery? Murder? And then, you have to say, Love. And, that's definitely going to get you, you know, picked last for prison kick ball.

  Christopher Titus

  Love You, Someone You Love, Want

  "Titus / Private Dave". www.imdb.com. 2001.

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• Mi padre se divorció seis veces. Bueno, en realidad sólo se divorció cinco veces. No quiso divorciarse la sexta porque dijo que no quería que la gente pensara que no podía comprometerse. 'No quiero que la gente no me tome en serio.' Papá, tu último matrimonio fue realizado en Reno por una lesbiana imitadora de Elvis. A quien le tiraste los tejos.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Divorce, Thinking

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

  28 Copiar cita

• Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.

  Christopher Titus

  Practice, Abortion, Devil

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  20 Copiar cita

• The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

  Christopher Titus

  Liars, Wife, Honor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  21 Copiar cita

• Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

  Christopher Titus

  Filosofía, Guerra, Filosófica

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copiar cita

• I say we spend some money, clean up some junkies and make them all go work for the Red Cross. You ever give blood to the Red Cross? Little paper hatted trainee kid, just sticking you full of holes. Golly, jeez, this is way harder than the deep fryer, how does this work? You get an ex-junkie in there, bap-bap, he's gonna find a vein. You're in, you're out, you got sugar cookie and you're happy!

  Christopher Titus

  Kids, Blood, Giving

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

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• Clint Eastwood doesn't moisturize! But Clint Eastwood needs to moisturize!

  Christopher Titus

  Necesita

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.

  Christopher Titus

  Couple, Father, Party

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". www.imdb.com. 2004.

  19 Copiar cita

• I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the Wu-Tang Clan. Loves her kids, killed her last husband. I say last husband because you don't get another one after that.

  Christopher Titus

  Beautiful, Mom, Husband

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  19 Copiar cita

• Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Thinking, Water

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.

  Christopher Titus

  Broken, News, Hey

  "Titus"(TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

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• Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.

  Christopher Titus

  Soul, Trophies, Generations

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

  Christopher Titus

  Past, Fire, Sometimes

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copiar cita

• At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?' 'Oh, honey - that's up to mommy, isn't it?

  Christopher Titus

  Daughter, Daddy, Trials

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copiar cita

• There's a one in six billion chance you're gonna find your soul mate. But, maybe, your perfect soul mate is actually three or four half perfect people. How far are you willing to go to actually find that perfect somebody... ies. If you're not willing to make a group of people your soul mate then you'd better plan on being alone. You'll always have television.

  Christopher Titus

  Perfect, People, Soul

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

  10 Copiar cita

• Socrates dijo, la vida no examinada no vale la pena vivirla. Mi padre dijo, Botín - mmm mmm.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Booty, Life Is

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

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• ¿Y yo teniendo hijos, con mi historia familiar? Mi madre: enferma mental, disparó y mató a su último marido. Mi padre: seis ex-esposas, cuatro ataques al corazón. Mis dos padres piensan que el alcohol es un grupo de alimentos.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Father

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  16 Copiar cita

• For me, the greatest hurdle to success has always been failure.

  Christopher Titus

  Success, Hurdle, Success Failure

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Jealousy - the Auschwitz of emotions.

  Christopher Titus

  Emotion, Auschwitz

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• My first car was a 1977 Oldsmobile Delta 88. Ugly car. More ugly on this car than a Rolling Stones group photo.

  Christopher Titus

  Car, Groups, Rolling

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

  13 Copiar cita

• Your first leader is your dad. 'course he controls your food and shelter, so, he's not really a leader, he's more of a fascist dictator. But dictators have dreams too. Your dad doesn't. He gave them up when he had you. So remember that next time you say, I don't want to cut the lawn. Just shut up and mow the grass and save the lip for your teachers.

  Christopher Titus

  Dream, Teacher, Dad

  "Titus / The Pit". www.imdb.com. 2001.

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• The day I'm in England performing, English security let a man in a Batman suit climb Buckingham Palace. I felt so much safer... Batman was on the wall of Buckingham Palace for five hours. Wouldn't happen in America - three minutes: dead Batman.

  Christopher Titus

  Wall, Men, America

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  13 Copiar cita

• Osama Bin Laden is dead? Oh my God, that was so easy! And it only took two trillion dollars, two wars and too many good men.

  Christopher Titus

  Guerra, Hombres, Dos

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copiar cita

• I don't tell people I'm white anymore - I'm albino-Cambodian.

  Christopher Titus

  White, People

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copiar cita

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