Bill Engvall Citas

• A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

  Bill Engvall

  Bridges, Hands, Car

  63 Copiar cita

• Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Lasts, Sides, Gas Stations

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 12, 2013

  57 Copiar cita

• I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Wall, Nice, House

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 18, 2013

  65 Copiar cita

• One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin' a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Keys, Car, Guy

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 04, 2013

  59 Copiar cita

• I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Running, Baby

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 15, 2013

  71 Copiar cita

• A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Giving Up, Couple, Fishing

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 14, 2013

  67 Copiar cita

• El otro día llegué a casa y estaba lloviendo a cántaros, así que cuando llegué del coche a la puerta principal estaba empapado. Entré en casa y me quité la chaqueta y mi mujer me preguntó si estaba lloviendo. No pude contenerme y le contesté que no, que tenía que sacar a pasear al pez dorado. Aquí tienes tu cartel.

  Bill Engvall

  Rain, Home, Doors

  62 Copiar cita

• It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Moving, Wife, House

  18 Copiar cita

• I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I'm superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here's your sign!

  Bill Engvall

  Men, Glasses, Phones

  37 Copiar cita

• And isn't that weird? Think about this, when you're born, you nurse on your mama. And then you get a little older, you go to applesauce. And then you see these toddlers walking around with these Ziploc baggies full of Cheerios. Then you get to be my age, and the doctor wants you to start eating Cheerios to watch your cholesterol. Then you lose your teeth, you go to applesauce. I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.

  Bill Engvall

  Mean, Home, Nursing

  36 Copiar cita

• I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Hate, Stupid

  "Here's Your Sign". Live album by Bill Engvall, 1996.

  44 Copiar cita

• I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

  Bill Engvall

  Divertido, Chica, Humor

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Jan 23, 2013

  34 Copiar cita

• The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.

  Bill Engvall

  Pensamiento, Personas

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Dec 03, 2009

  5 Copiar cita

• I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me you think he's been hunting? Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here's your sign!

  Bill Engvall

  Thinking, Hunting, Giving

  41 Copiar cita

• Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for our rabbit on the conveyor. The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like 'em 'cause they're crunchy. Here's your sign.

  Bill Engvall

  Girl, Pet, Lists

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 20, 2013

  17 Copiar cita

• I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here's your sign!

  Bill Engvall

  San Francisco, Guy, Sitting

  13 Copiar cita

• This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said "did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Baseball, Dog

  27 Copiar cita

• That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

  Bill Engvall

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Feb 19, 2013

  26 Copiar cita

• I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.

  Bill Engvall

  Creer, Corazón, Hombres

  "Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again". Comedy, Documentary, www.imdb.com. 2004.

  7 Copiar cita

• Podría haber probado el puenting, hasta que vi el vídeo de ese tipo al que se le desató la cuerda. No lo supo hasta que tocó el suelo. Oh, voló desde esa torre, gritando a sus amigos. "¡Whoo, miradme, tíos! Oh, ese suelo está subiendo..." ¿Y qué le dices, si eres el operador de esa atracción, al siguiente de la fila? "Muy bien tío, te toca".

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Humor, Jumping

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 22, 2013

  47 Copiar cita

• I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don't want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won't get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin' up as it does goin' down.

  Bill Engvall

  Sick, Taste, Peanut Butter

  29 Copiar cita

• So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

  Bill Engvall

  Sharks, Water, Safe

  Twitter post from May 29, 2013

  4 Copiar cita

• El cerebro humano no viene con un manual de instrucciones.

  Bill Engvall

  Brain, Instruction, Humans

  10 Copiar cita

• In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

  Bill Engvall

  Country, Brother, Airplane

  15 Copiar cita

• There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

  Bill Engvall

  Suicide, Hunger Strike, California

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 25, 2013

  44 Copiar cita

También te puede gustar:

Jeff Foxworthy

Larry el chico del cable

Ron White

Marcus Dunstan

Nancy Travis

Jack Osbourne

Derek Hough

Corbin Bleu