Christopher Titus Quotes About Dad

• A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Praying Mantis, Black

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Todo el mundo tiene esperanzas en el amor perfecto. A la gente normal nos educan para creer que hay alguien ahí fuera que es tu alma gemela, tu mejor amigo, tu amante. Mi padre siempre me decía que cuando encuentras a esa persona, "¡tienes que clavártela!".

  Christopher Titus

  Soulmate, Dad, Believe

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Socrates dijo, la vida no examinada no vale la pena vivirla. Mi padre dijo, Botín - mmm mmm.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Booty, Life Is

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• No puedo evitar que un idiota se estrelle contra un edificio o haga explotar un autobús, sólo puedo ser tu padre y darte unas cuantas verdades puras. Número uno, la cinta adhesiva te salvará la vida. Numero dos, Tupac esta vivo, pero necesito que lo mantengas en secreto por Suge. Y número tres, no tengas miedo de nada - excepto de las noticias de la televisión porque te mienten todas las noches.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Lying, Night

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Todas las relaciones de papá acabaron exactamente igual: citación judicial, pitido de un camión de mudanzas retrocediendo por el camino de entrada, montón de su ropa ardiendo en el jardín delantero.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Moving, Clothes

  "Titus / The Break-Up". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Father, Beer

  "The Reconciliation". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000.

• In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create *new* petty differences and hatreds! My dad's from that era when you lived to 50, your heart exploded and that was that. You know when you cook bacon and you pour the grease into the can? My dad's the can!

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Heart, Opportunity

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.

  Christopher Titus

  Teacher, Growing Up, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life into the world, and the world's over. Nice timing, numbnuts!

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Nice, Voice

  "5th Annual End of the World Tour". www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Thinking, Water

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Grandma, Parent

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Beer

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Battle

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Mad, Car

  "5th Annual End of the World Tour". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad, wassup ? He's thinking, Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine. Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh.

  Christopher Titus

  Girlfriend, Dad, Father

  "Titus / NASCAR". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• Mi padre se divorció seis veces. Bueno, en realidad sólo se divorció cinco veces. No quiso divorciarse la sexta porque dijo que no quería que la gente pensara que no podía comprometerse. 'No quiero que la gente no me tome en serio.' Papá, tu último matrimonio fue realizado en Reno por una lesbiana imitadora de Elvis. A quien le tiraste los tejos.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Divorce, Thinking

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

• I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a son, that you can never learn from Mom. Special things, important things. Like "never challenge Dad to a fist fight.

  Christopher Titus

  Mamá, papá, padre

• Your first leader is your dad. 'course he controls your food and shelter, so, he's not really a leader, he's more of a fascist dictator. But dictators have dreams too. Your dad doesn't. He gave them up when he had you. So remember that next time you say, I don't want to cut the lawn. Just shut up and mow the grass and save the lip for your teachers.

  Christopher Titus

  Dream, Teacher, Dad

  "Titus / The Pit". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people all had a touch of crazy that fuelled their brilliance. They were not locked up for it like my mum. Pft. Then again, Winston Churchill never tried to kill my dad.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Crazy, People

  "Titus / Locking Up Mom". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get involved, you know, but he's my dad, I can't send him to his room or ground him or go to his first grade play and scream, "Look at the fairy!" I was a wood nymph.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Play, Nymphs

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Writing, Ties

  "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

• My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Morning, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!

  Christopher Titus

  Good Night, Dad, Light

  "Titus / When I Say Jump". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who are exactly like us. And it doesn't matter. White. Black. Red. Yellow. Purple, uh oh, the purple people, are the worst. Man. All prejudiced and birth marky. But, we've got to learn to get past our differences. I learned that at the museum of tolerance. After my dad beat the crap out of a guy over a parking spot.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Past, Men

  "Titus / Too Damn Good". www.imdb.com. 2001.

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