Christopher Titus Quotes About Water

• La gente normal, teme el día en que sus padres mueran. La gente jodida, teme el día en que sus padres maten. Mi madre mató a un tipo, en mi boda. Así que puedo tachar eso. Pero, es mi madre. Y no importa lo que haya hecho, no puedo alejarme de ella. Ella me dio a luz. Me dio amor. Me dio la habilidad de hacer que el fuego de un cigarrillo pareciera iniciado por el calentador de agua.

  Christopher Titus

  Fire, Water, People

  "Titus / The Trial". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Thinking, Water

  "Titus / Same Courtesy". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• Fathers and sons are natural enemies. Look at any species. Shark, sees his father in the water, he's not thinking, Hey dad, wassup ? He's thinking, Back off, old man, this surfer carcass is mine. Of course, when his girlfriend swims up and she's like, Way, you know, there's enough surfer for everybody. You and your dad need to frenzy together more. Leave you father a thigh.

  Christopher Titus

  Girlfriend, Dad, Father

  "Titus / NASCAR". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• I gave my father a heart attack. It was a practical joke. Come on, you push a guy's face in a cake he's got to clean it off. You hit a guy with a water balloon, he's got to dry off. Guy's in the hospital, you get his testicles shaved, he scratches and bleeds for a week... it's funny... you're not supposed to have a heart attack, it kills the joke.

  Christopher Titus

  Father, Heart, Cake

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.

  Christopher Titus

  Teacher, Growing Up, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

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