Christopher Titus Quotes About Parents

• This country you're sitting in right now was not built on love, hugs, time-outs and trophies you didn't earn. This country was built on shame, humiliation and striving to be better. By the way, if you're in this room right now and you're successful... you didn't get there because someone loved you too much or gave you too many hugs or you got a trophy when you lost. You did it because at one point in your life, somebody turned to you and said you're a loser, and in that second, you decided to bust your ass to make them choke on that sentence... Or, your parents gave you the money.

  Christopher Titus

  Country, Successful, Parent

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• La gente normal, teme el día en que sus padres mueran. La gente jodida, teme el día en que sus padres maten. Mi madre mató a un tipo, en mi boda. Así que puedo tachar eso. Pero, es mi madre. Y no importa lo que haya hecho, no puedo alejarme de ella. Ella me dio a luz. Me dio amor. Me dio la habilidad de hacer que el fuego de un cigarrillo pareciera iniciado por el calentador de agua.

  Christopher Titus

  Fire, Water, People

  "Titus / The Trial". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

  Christopher Titus

  Parent, Born, Mets

  "Titus / Sex with Pudding". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Father, Beer

  "The Reconciliation". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2000.

• Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents. I'm just kidding. Pain is God's greatest gift. Pain is God's way of saying, "Hurts, don't it ? Wel, go ahead. Say, me dammit again."

  Christopher Titus

  Hurt, Growing Up, Pain

  "Titus / Racing in the Streets". www.imdb.com. 2001.

• Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Grandma, Parent

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• Valentines Day is a day we celebrate real love. A love so strong that two hearts become one. Yeah, when you're happy, she's happy. And when you're angry, she's angry. And when you start wallowing in self-pity because your hotrod shop tanks and everybody's against you so you start drinking. And then she moves out and goes and lives with her parents, pfft. Or was that the day after Valentines Day? Doesn't matter. I'll go get another one just like her.

  Christopher Titus

  Valentines Day, Strong, Real

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.

  Christopher Titus

  Crazy, Real, Kids

  "Titus / The Visit". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.

  Christopher Titus

  Teacher, Growing Up, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• Being a parent is a life sentence. You see, that's why normal people should not have children because if you raise a kid with only love and support, I guarantee that kid will be in rehab by the time he is 16. Why? Because you never introduced him to Mr. Back-of-Your-Hand. You know why I only broke into a liquor store once? 'Cause my father introduced me to Mr. Back-of-His-Hand and its wiley sidekick, Mr. Foot-in-My-Ass.

  Christopher Titus

  Niños, Padre, Niños

  "Titus / The Visit". www.imdb.com. 2002.

• My parents' divorce settlement involved a bar tab.

  Christopher Titus

  Divorce, Parent, Bars

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• La gente normal, teme el día en que sus padres mueran. La gente jodida, teme que sus padres vivan para siempre. Aparecen en tu casa a horas extrañas de la noche, oliendo raro, con un grupo de amigos. Hey chico, estos son Harold, Cecil y Dicky. Dicky perdió a su esposa hace un año. He oído que Erin ha hecho galletas. ¿Dónde puedo poner mis zapatos? Si eso no te asusta, no eres humano.

  Christopher Titus

  Night, Boys, Years

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• ¿Y yo teniendo hijos, con mi historia familiar? Mi madre: enferma mental, disparó y mató a su último marido. Mi padre: seis ex-esposas, cuatro ataques al corazón. Mis dos padres piensan que el alcohol es un grupo de alimentos.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Father

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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