Christopher Titus Quotes About Mom

• My mom was a manic depressive schizophrenic who, after a year in prison, went home and shot herself. My sister, Kirsten, an amazing poet, who was raised by this woman, and was dating a guy who broke up with her for the fourth time in three weeks. And one day, she came to his house, got a gun, and blew her brains out all over his headboard. I just went through a divorce, five years in court and cost me $2 million dollars. If anyone, by law, should be forced to take antidepressants it's me... But instead, I choose to be an antidepressant. And you can take me with alcohol.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Home, Divorce

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Beer

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• My mom had this inate ability. Whatever town my mother moved to, the second she walked into town, she would instantly attract the alpha loser of that town. This guy was not a good guy. This guy was half O.J. Simpson and half O.J. Simpson. Scott Peterson sprinkles on the top, a side of Robert Blake. You know, not a good guy.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Mother, Guy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Dad, Battle

  "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding". Comedy, One-man Show, www.imdb.com. June 06, 2004.

• I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a son, that you can never learn from Mom. Special things, important things. Like "never challenge Dad to a fist fight.

  Christopher Titus

  Mamá, papá, padre

• My mom shot and killed her last husband. Yeah, my dad used to say "Hey, dodged that bullet. Ha ha."

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Dad

  "Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2009.

• Normal people terrify me, because they haven't had enough problems in their life to know how to handle problems when they come up. Something little happens and they snap. But being from a dysfunctional family means nothing rattles me. Hey once you've driven a drunken father to moms' parole hearing, what else is there?

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Father, Mean

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time. I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12 black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Morning, Dad

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• ¿Y yo teniendo hijos, con mi historia familiar? Mi madre: enferma mental, disparó y mató a su último marido. Mi padre: seis ex-esposas, cuatro ataques al corazón. Mis dos padres piensan que el alcohol es un grupo de alimentos.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Husband, Father

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• When I was seven, I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with my mom. When Jack Nicholson was strapped to the table getting electroshock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life, and I was stunned, because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Tears, Cuckoos

  "Titus / Locking Up Mom". www.imdb.com. 2000.

• How come Mom is crazy and I'm not? Well, it's possible my mom could stand up in front of this many people and talk about all the crap in her life and those people could have sat around and laughed with her, it would've meant nothing and she could have moved on cool. It's also possible she could have taken out the whole front row with a large-caliber weapon.

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Crazy, Taken

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says "We've got a family members of yours under arrest" and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!

  Christopher Titus

  Mom, Night, Police

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

• I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the Wu-Tang Clan. Loves her kids, killed her last husband. I say last husband because you don't get another one after that.

  Christopher Titus

  Beautiful, Mom, Husband

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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