Elayne Boosler Quotes

• I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

  Elayne Boosler

  Relationship, Humorous, Men

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  66 Copiar cita

• My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

  Elayne Boosler

  Dog, Fashion, Philosophy

  26 Copiar cita

• Tengo seis cerraduras en mi puerta, todas seguidas. Cuando salgo, cierro una de cada dos. Me imagino que, por mucho que alguien se quede allí forzando las cerraduras, siempre cerrará tres.

  Elayne Boosler

  Divertido, Vida, Hilarante

  86 Copiar cita

• We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'

  Elayne Boosler

  Funny, Military, Humor

  28 Copiar cita

• The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

  Elayne Boosler

  Mother, Jesus, Resurrection

  "How funny women fought hard for their place in the spotlight" by Paul Harris, www.theguardian.com. October 20, 2012.

  19 Copiar cita

• My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

  Elayne Boosler

  Biblical, Men, Years

  9 Copiar cita

• I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

  Elayne Boosler

  Inspirational, Funny, Women

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  26 Copiar cita

• People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

  Elayne Boosler

  Baby, Funny Inspirational, People

  15 Copiar cita

• Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.

  Elayne Boosler

  Sex, Men, Males

  5 Copiar cita

• Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

  Elayne Boosler

  Dog, Pigs, Congress

  6 Copiar cita

• Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

  Elayne Boosler

  Men, Expectations, Done

  15 Copiar cita

• My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

  Elayne Boosler

  Mother, Said

  7 Copiar cita

• There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

  Elayne Boosler

  School, Differences, Catholic

  14 Copiar cita

• I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

  Elayne Boosler

  Personas, Mundo, Quieren

  "Top 5 Things I’m Thankful for" by Elayne Boosler, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 24, 2010.

  6 Copiar cita

• Cuando las mujeres están deprimidas, comen o van de compras. Los hombres invaden otro país. Es una forma de pensar totalmente diferente.

  Elayne Boosler

  Depression, Country, Strong Women

  17 Copiar cita

• A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

  Elayne Boosler

  Years, Long, Pages

  "You Didn’t Hear the One About..." by Elayne Boosler, www.huffingtonpost.com. October 4, 2010.

  16 Copiar cita

• I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

  Elayne Boosler

  Keys, Order, Car

  11 Copiar cita

• Si necesitas 100 balas para matar a un ciervo, quizá la caza no sea tu deporte.

  Elayne Boosler

  Sports, Hunting, Needs

  19 Copiar cita

• For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

  Elayne Boosler

  Mean, Men, Milk

  12 Copiar cita

• Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

  Elayne Boosler

  Morning, Guy, Wake Up

  14 Copiar cita

• My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

  Elayne Boosler

  Funny Love, Brother, Love You

  16 Copiar cita

• President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

  Elayne Boosler

  Hunting, Gun, Ak 47

  16 Copiar cita

• You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

  Elayne Boosler

  Funny, Women, Littles

  8 Copiar cita

• Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

  Elayne Boosler

  Long, Laundry, Enough

  7 Copiar cita

• Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

  Elayne Boosler

  Real, Justice, Needs

  6 Copiar cita

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