Stephen Colbert Quotes About Children

• I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

  Stephen Colbert

  Friday, Children, Black

• Amigos, no confío en los niños. Están aquí para reemplazarnos.

  Stephen Colbert

  Divertido, Confianza, Niños

• And my daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I'm trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder - she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.

  Stephen Colbert

  Daughter, Children, Eye

• Estados Unidos solía vivir bajo el lema "Padre sabe que tiene hijos". Ahora tenemos suerte si "El padre sabe que tiene hijos". Nos hemos convertido en una nación de donantes de esperma y padres de bebés.

  Stephen Colbert

  Bebé, Niños, Padre

• Dicen que los únicos que dicen la verdad son los borrachos y los niños. Adivina cuál soy yo.

  Stephen Colbert

  Niños, Personas, Decir La Verdad

• A los ojos de Dios todos los niños son hermosos, pero aquí en la tierra tenemos estándares más altos.

  Stephen Colbert

  Hermoso, Niños, Ojo

• It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

  Stephen Colbert

  Children, Mind, Allies

  "Emmys 2006: Minute By Minute" by Daniel Fienberg, www.chicagotribune.com. August 27, 2006.

• A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

  Stephen Colbert

  Teacher, Children, Father

  "I Am America (And So Can You!)". Book by Stephen Colbert. Part One: "My American Childhood", Chapter One: "The Family", 2007.

• A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.

  Stephen Colbert

  Madre, Hijos, Hogar

• If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?

  Stephen Colbert

  Teacher, Children, Cutting

• Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I didn't mention bears. It's winter, they're asleep, I didn't think it would be a problem. But today I see this in the Toronto Globe and Mail -- apparently a 700-pound polar bear showed up at a children's hockey game. I've said this before, they're after our kids -- they're tender, juicy, you don't even have to throw away the bones.

  Stephen Colbert

  Children, Kids, Hockey

• My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.

  Stephen Colbert

  Brother, Children, Cutting

  "How many Stephen Colberts are there?" by Charles McGrath, www.nytimes.com. January 4, 2012.

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