John Oliver Quotes

• You don't need people’s opinion on a fact. You might as well have a poll asking: ‘Which number is bigger, 15 or 5?’ or ‘Do owls exist?’ or ‘Are there hats?'

  John Oliver

  Numbers, People, Owl

  "Cookie Monster Pretty Much Loses It After John Oliver Asks Him ‘What’s A Cookie?’" By Leigh Weingus, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 6, 2014.

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• Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.

  John Oliver

  Democracy, Trusted

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• Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.

  John Oliver

  School, Drug, Company

  YouTube Channel "LastWeekTonight"/"Marketing to Doctors: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)", www.youtube.com. February 08, 2015.

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• The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

  John Oliver

  People, Flags, World

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• Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.

  John Oliver

  Doubt, Dutch, Language

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• I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.

  John Oliver

  Beautiful, Kings, Thinking

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• One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.

  John Oliver

  America, Exceptional, One Thing

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• Lo creas o no, la guerra contra Irak se basa en un principio científico sólido: el principio de la colmena. Que establece claramente que si te pica una abeja, debes seguirla hasta su nido y luego proceder a golpear el nido con un bate de béisbol hasta que la pequeña cagada haya aprendido la lección.

  John Oliver

  Baseball, War, Believe

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• Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.

  John Oliver

  Care, Facts, Should

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• Las noticias no son un concurso. No se gana un coche por tener razón.

  John Oliver

  Winning, Games, Car

  "John Oliver Slams Media’s Edward Snowden Speculation: ‘Stop Guessing, News Is Not A Game Show’", www.huffingtonpost.com. June 25, 2013.

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• According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'

  John Oliver

  Gun, Law, Florida

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• You don't need people's opinion on a fact.

  John Oliver

  People, Needs, Facts

  "John Oliver & Bill Nye School Climate Change Skeptics On ‘Last Week Tonight’" by Katherine Fung, www.huffingtonpost.com. May 12, 2014.

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• I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.

  John Oliver

  Emotion, British, Bases

  "John Oliver talks ‘The Daily Show,’ Colbert & his new HBO series". Interview with Alan Sepinwall, uproxx.com. April 25, 2014.

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• I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist.

  John Oliver

  Dream, Jobs, Sorry

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• Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

  John Oliver

  Fools Day, April, Excited

  "John Oliver Hates April Fools' Day, Says It's for Sociopaths". www.hollywoodreporter.com. March 30, 2015.

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• It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

  John Oliver

  Knives, Political, World

  "From our own correspondent". Interview with Edward Helmore, www.theguardian.com. July 23, 2007.

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• Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

  John Oliver

  Congress, Capacity, Disappoint

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• As a general rule, no one should ever be allowed to say there is no history of racial tension here, because that sentence has never been true anywhere on Earth.

  John Oliver

  Earth, Should, Tension

  "John Oliver Brilliantly Eviscerates Police Militarization in Ferguson". "Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver, mic.com. August 18, 2014.

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• Los anuncios se introducen en los contenidos como pepitas de chocolate en una galleta. Excepto que, en realidad, es más como pasas en una galleta, porque nadie los quiere ahí.

  John Oliver

  Chocolate, Cookies, Want

  "8 Myths About Native Advertising That Are Almost Entirely Untrue". www.huffingtonpost.com. August 26, 2014.

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• I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

  John Oliver

  Thinking, Rhythm

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• Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

  John Oliver

  Funny, Democracy, Campaigns

  "John Oliver’s Campaign Ad Formula: F.L.A.G.S". www.huffingtonpost.com. July 31, 2012.

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• I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

  John Oliver

  Running, Opposites, Negativity

  "Guest Host John Oliver Will Try Not to Destroy 'The Daily Show'". Interview with Marisa Guthrie, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 31, 2013.

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• Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

  John Oliver

  Mean, Gun, Florida

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• People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

  John Oliver

  Stupid, People, Add

  "John Oliver: a very British coup". Interview with Oliver Burkeman, www.theguardian.com. June 7, 2013.

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• Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

  John Oliver

  America, Narcissism

  "Guest Host John Oliver Will Try Not to Destroy 'The Daily Show' (Q&A)". Interview with Marisa Guthrie, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 31, 2013.

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