Stephen Colbert Quotes About Cars

• Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!

  Stephen Colbert

  Running, Army, Brave New World

  "2000 Presidential Election: Bush vs. Gore" by Ryan Bort, www.esquire.com. November 5, 2014.

• Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

  Stephen Colbert

  Football, Country, Aunt

• When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.

  Stephen Colbert

  Running, Car, Want

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