Jen Lancaster Quotes

• The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25? I do. Gravity is no one's friend. Yet the perspective I've gained is so worth the wear and tear. What would have mortified me at 25 is now simply fodder for a funny, relatable story. Also? I was a waitress at 25, and now I'm an author. Forty-five is definitely better.

  Jen Lancaster

  Perspective, Missing, Tears

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• I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment.

  Jen Lancaster

  Thinking, Amusement, Sometimes

  Jen Lancaster (2010). “My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is t he New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto”, p.26, Penguin

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• I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a self-defense mechanism. Even though I may come off like a stark raving asshat, being funny is the most important tool I have to stay sane. The ability to say what I think is the key to allowing me to feel in control.

  Jen Lancaster

  Thinking, Self, Keys

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• Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

  Jen Lancaster

  Mente

  Jen Lancaster (2009). “Pretty in Plaid: A Life, A Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase”, p.233, Penguin

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• I don't care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career -- every woman needs a couple of chicks who'll break out the sangria just because you need to vent.

  Jen Lancaster

  Children, Couple, Careers

  Jen Lancaster (2012). “Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner”, p.129, Penguin

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• For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.

  Jen Lancaster

  Baby, Believe, Records

  Jen Lancaster (2009). “Pretty in Plaid: A Life, A Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending,Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase”, p.167, Penguin

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• I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us.

  Jen Lancaster

  Religious, Jesus, Mean

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• Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment, etc. I doubt we'll ever come to terms on tastes great or less filling and hybrids versus Hummers, and there will always be Yankees fans and Red Sox fans, and never the 'twain shall meet. Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

  Jen Lancaster

  Gun, Yankees, Issues

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• Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.

  Jen Lancaster

  Might, Salad, Ambien

  Jen Lancaster (2010). “My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is t he New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto”, p.114, Penguin

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• I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.

  Jen Lancaster

  Depth, Needs, Path

  Jen Lancaster (2007). “Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?”, p.227, Penguin

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• I tried, it was hard, I quit, the end. Story of my life.

  Jen Lancaster

  Stories, Quitting, Ends

  Jen Lancaster (2010). “My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is t he New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto”, p.23, Penguin

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• ¿De verdad? ¿Si pudiera odiar a mi entrenador? Eso sería lo ideal. Preferiría despreciar a esta persona con el fuego de diez mil soles. Por eso, cuando salgo de aquí caminando -no, arrastrándome- al final de mis entrenamientos, quiero adormecerme imaginando a mi talentoso e inspirador entrenador atropellado por un autobús. Un autobús que conduzco yo.

  Jen Lancaster

  Workout, Hate, Sleep

  Jen Lancaster (2007). “Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?”, p.352, Penguin

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• No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

  Jen Lancaster

  Believe, Taken, Choices

  Jen Lancaster (2012). “Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner”, p.100, Penguin

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• Algunas personas están destinadas a ser pensadores profundos. Yo no soy una de esas personas.

  Jen Lancaster

  People, Thinker, Deep Thinker

  Jen Lancaster (2008). “Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pi e is Not The Answer”, p.220, Penguin

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• When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?" I'm not taking them off." Why not?" I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.

  Jen Lancaster

  Mom, Jobs, Makeup

  Jen Lancaster (2006). “Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office”, p.208, Penguin

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• Over the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased down a car of speeding teenagers while shaking a brick at them, never once interrupting the conversation or setting down her margarita. The only reason this woman isn't president of General Motors is because she's chosen not to be.

  Jen Lancaster

  Summer, Teenager, Night

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• The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such as Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, and A Night at the Roxbury, leading me to believe not only do I have awful taste in films, but I also have a Chris Kattan fixation. What I don't have is $4000 earing intrest in a money market account.

  Jen Lancaster

  Believe, Night, Dvds

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• I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

  Jen Lancaster

  Believe, Shopping, Ikea

  Jen Lancaster (2007). “Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?”, p.29, Penguin

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• As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

  Jen Lancaster

  Book, Views, Political

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• Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

  Jen Lancaster

  Pasar el rato

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• Quinn Cummings is a master story-teller and her book is nothing short of delightful. Her insights into topics like celebrity, parenting, and cats with a taste for homicide are pithy and uproarious and not to be missed. Notes from the Underwire is charming, hilarious, and just snarky enough to be ultimately satisfying.

  Jen Lancaster

  Book, Cat, Taste

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• I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.

  Jen Lancaster

  Libro, Hablar, Años

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• Expresar una opinión política puede ser una forma poderosa de establecer la voz de un personaje cuando se escribe ficción.

  Jen Lancaster

  Poder, Escritura, Carácter

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• I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

  Jen Lancaster

  Believe, Vanilla, I Believe

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• I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air

  Jen Lancaster

  Sleep, Air, Mind

  Jen Lancaster (2010). “My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is t he New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto”, p.34, Penguin

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