Citas de Tim Vine

• Ahora ya conoces esas velas trucadas que se soplan y en un par de segundos.

  Tim Vine

  Couple, Blow, Tricks

  27 Copiar cita

• So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

  Tim Vine

  Ducks, Chinese, Red

  34 Copiar cita

• Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

  Tim Vine

  Eye, Site, Sore Eyes

  "Tim Vine's one-liners - what is his best joke? - poll" by Mayer Nissim, www.digitalspy.com. February 10, 2012.

  21 Copiar cita

• He participado en las Olimpiadas del bronceado y acabo de conseguir el bronce.

  Tim Vine

  Olympics, Sun, Tanning

  "Edinburgh fringe's 10 funniest jokes revealed" by Mark Brown, www.theguardian.com. August 21, 2012.

  22 Copiar cita

• I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

  Tim Vine

  Book, Reading, Glue

  30 Copiar cita

• Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

  Tim Vine

  Dust, Collecting, Hoover

  "Tim Vine's Hoover joke has been voted the funniest. Can you do better?" by Stephen Moss, www.theguardian.com. August 19, 2014.

  56 Copiar cita

• Así que le dije al monitor del gimnasio: "¿Puede enseñarme a hacer los splits? Me dijo: "¿Eres muy flexible? Le dije: No puedo ir los martes'.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Tuesday

  24 Copiar cita

• Así que me apetecía jugar a los dardos con mi amigo. Me dijo: "El más cercano al toro va primero". Él dijo 'Baah' y yo dije 'Moo'. Me dijo: "Eres el más cercano".

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Games

  18 Copiar cita

• My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Humor, Pensamiento

  21 Copiar cita

• One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out

  Tim Vine

  Dishes, Butlers

  Twitter post from Mar 08, 2017

  14 Copiar cita

• Acabo de estar de vacaciones una vez en la vida. Te diré algo, nunca más.

  Tim Vine

  Holiday, Once In A Lifetime, Lifetime

  "Jeremy and Tim Vine - the unlikeliest double-act around". The Saga Magazine Interview, www.saga.co.uk. July, 2012.

  15 Copiar cita

• Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

  Tim Vine

  Car, Different, Levels

  27 Copiar cita

• Al parecer, una de cada cinco personas en el mundo es china. Y hay cinco personas en mi familia, así que debe ser una de ellas. Es mi madre o mi padre. O mi hermano mayor, Colin. O mi hermano menor, Ho-Chan-Chu. Pero creo que es Colin.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Brother, Dad

  31 Copiar cita

• I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Clubs

  14 Copiar cita

• My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

  Tim Vine

  Party, Italian, Islands

  "Tim Vine: the man behind the masterful one-liner" by William Langley, www.telegraph.co.uk. August 23, 2014.

  11 Copiar cita

• Así que entré en una tienda de animales. Le pregunté: "¿Puedo comprar un pez dorado?". El tipo me dijo: "¿Quiere un acuario?". Le dije: "No me importa de qué signo sea".

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Estrellas, Humor

  19 Copiar cita

• Velcro: qué timo.

  Tim Vine

  Rip, Velcro

  Twitter post from Mar 26, 2017

  81 Copiar cita

• So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Humor, Dar

  18 Copiar cita

• Cuando me fui de casa, mi madre me dijo: "No te olvides de escribir", y yo pensé: "Eso es improbable"... Es una habilidad básica, ¿no?

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Home

  11 Copiar cita

• Así que fui a comprar un reloj, y el hombre de la tienda me dijo "Analógico". Le dije: "No, sólo un reloj".

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

  14 Copiar cita

• I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Blokes

  9 Copiar cita

• I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

  Tim Vine

  Metaphor, Simile, Knows

  32 Copiar cita

• Ya ves que mi vecino de al lado adora los tubos de escape, es un católico converso.

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Humor, Puertas

  14 Copiar cita

• Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

  Tim Vine

  Divertido, Creer, Humor

  18 Copiar cita

• The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Humor, Pieces

  10 Copiar cita

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