Dave Attell Quotes About Girlfriends

• I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!

  Dave Attell

  Girlfriend, Sometimes, Said

• I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Girlfriend, Discovery

• Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Girlfriend, Morning

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