Celia Rivenbark Quotes

• I have several close friends who have run marathons, a word that is actually derived from two Swahili words: mara, which means 'to die a horrible death', and thon, which means 'for a stupid T-shirt.' Look it up.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Running, Stupid, Mean

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.183, Macmillan

  49 Copiar cita

• I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE'.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Latin, Pie, May

  12 Copiar cita

• You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Morning, Drinking, Beer

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.6, Macmillan

  12 Copiar cita

• I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you guys'.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Shoes, White, Guy

  Celia Rivenbark (2006). “Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments”, p.81, Macmillan

  8 Copiar cita

• Nunca te cases con algo hasta que hayas establecido la proporción perfecta de pizza...La premisa es sencilla. Mi marido y yo sabíamos que estábamos hechos el uno para el otro porque tenemos una proporción de 6:2, seis porciones para él y dos para mí... Nunca te cases con un hombre que quiere dos porciones una semana y cuatro la siguiente. Son poco fiables y muy impredecibles, y es muy probable que te dejen por algún bombón de Internet que diga que no le importa que tenga pelo en la espalda.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Husband, Men, Simple

  7 Copiar cita

• She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Funny, Heart, Faces

  4 Copiar cita

• I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn.Of course, you'd have to have a heart of titanium not to feel a twinge of sadness while watching those dejected NASA scientiest waiting by the phone like the class wallflower on prom week.On the other hand, it was kind of fun to watch a bunch of men waiting by the phone and seeing how they feel when someone promises they'll call and then YOU NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Fun, Holiday, Sadness

  7 Copiar cita

• Proper driving etiquette demands that you basically get close enough to a car in front of you at a busy intersection that it would mean that in certain third-world countries, or South Carolina, you would have to get married.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Country, Mean, Car

  Celia Rivenbark (2013). “Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas”, p.156, Macmillan

  7 Copiar cita

• Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns...No one responds 'severe' when someone asks how her cold is.In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to 'How's your cold' with 'It sucks.' So there should be an It Sucks cold formula.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Weather, Nine, Facts

  9 Copiar cita

• To the newcomer to the south, hearing that a coworker plans a weekend visit to 'mama and them's' (the correct plural possessive, don'tchaknow), might make him think that mama has been left alone either throught an act of scoundreldom involving the town's resident hoochie-mama (an altogether different kind of mama) or Daddy's untimely demise.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Weekend, Thinking, Daddy

  4 Copiar cita

• Writing humor is not something every single person can do.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Writing, Single Person, Persons

  "Celia Rivenbark releases 'You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl'". USA Today Interview, www.usatoday.com. August 17, 2011.

  7 Copiar cita

• Pecans are not cheap, my hons. In fact, in the South, the street value of shelled pecans just before holiday baking season is roughly that of crack cocaine. Do not confuse the two. It is almost impossible to make a decent crack cocaine tassie, I am told.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Holiday, Two, Cracks

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.44, Macmillan

  16 Copiar cita

• And I reminded myself that it's easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings in life, much harder to be grateful for the tough moments and the lessons they teach.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Grateful, Blessing, Lessons

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.164, Macmillan

  7 Copiar cita

• Los Testigos de Jehová son bienvenidos en mi casa... Hay que respetar a quien se viste de domingo y va de puerta en puerta en días tan calurosos que sus tacones se hunden medio centímetro en el pavimento. Pronto mirarán sus relojes y dirán: "Hablando del fin de los tiempos, ¡mira qué hora es ahora!

  Celia Rivenbark

  Home, Sunday, Doors

  4 Copiar cita

• Who can fail to mist at Fergie's anthem, 'My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.' Hmmm. 'My lunch, my lunch, I swear it's coming up.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Lovely Lady, Lunch, Anthem

  4 Copiar cita

También te puede gustar:

Laurie Notaro

Hillary Carlip

Jen Lancaster

Sloane Crosley

Jane Green

Tom Rath

Rachel Renée Russell

Haven Kimmel