Jeff Ross Quotes

• Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

  Jeff Ross

  Pain, Moving, Life Is Short

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• The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.

  Jeff Ross

  Jail, Get Up, Good Things

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, wkar.org. January 2, 2017.

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• Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

  Jeff Ross

  Running, Trying, President

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• Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

  Jeff Ross

  Want, Apologizing, Observation

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• With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.

  Jeff Ross

  Estrellas, Real, Gente

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• I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

  Jeff Ross

  White, People, Groups

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• People are not afraid to be very direct with police. And I think that's part of the problem is that people are angry at the cops and then the cops are stressed out and they, you know, pay it backwards, so to speak.

  Jeff Ross

  Thinking, People, Police

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

  Jeff Ross

  Sports, Bad Grades, Wells

  "The Charlie Sheen Roast Preview". Interview with Peter Martin, www.esquire.com. September 18, 2011.

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• Tuve una experiencia vital que la mayoría de mis... que ninguno de mis amigos tuvo. Recuerdo que me convertí en el rabino de todo el mundo. Todos los que necesitaban consejo hablaban conmigo, y se convirtió en algo obvio.

  Jeff Ross

  Obvious Things, Advice, Remember

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

  Jeff Ross

  Looks, Cobain, Courtney

  "Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2005.

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• Life has to keep going, so you can either be a victim the rest of your life and let it drag you down into drugs and alcohol and depression or you can turn it into something good, fun even, you know, and I tell young people who are going through depression that this might be the most important time of your life. This might be what makes you a great artist later on.

  Jeff Ross

  Diversión, Artista, Gente

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, weku.fm.

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• It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

  Jeff Ross

  People, Racist, Cop

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.

  Jeff Ross

  Children, Pain, Issues

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• Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

  Jeff Ross

  Charlie, Standing, Larry

  "Charlie Sheen's Naughty, Bawdy Joke Man Reveals Surprising Secrets of the Tour (Exclusive Q&A)". Interview with Shirley Halperin, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 2, 2011.

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• Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

  Jeff Ross

  Second Chance, Corny, Bigs

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

  Jeff Ross

  Careers, Happy Accidents, Has Beens

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 13, 2016.

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• When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

  Jeff Ross

  Estrellas, Rocas, Frustradas

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• I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.

  Jeff Ross

  Sex, Moving, Power Moves

  Fuente: www.spin.com

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• I'm pretty careful about the things I say ahead of time. I'm thoughtful about not going too far. The only thing you can do occasionally is be too much.

  Jeff Ross

  Thoughtful, Too Much, Careful

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, wutc.org. September 13, 2016.

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• Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

  Jeff Ross

  Dark, Jail, Giving

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

  Jeff Ross

  Uncles, Sarcasm, Aunt

  "Comedy, Then and Now: Laughing With the Legends of Stand-Up From the 1800’s to 2010" by Steve North, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 6, 2010.

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• As soon as you start analyzing comedy is when the world starts to fall apart, and we're second guessing it. And we are way too sensitive.

  Jeff Ross

  Fall, World, Guessing

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

  Jeff Ross

  Real, Accomplishment, Longevity

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• Comedians a lot of times we're on the road, we're by our self. We come home to New York to our empty one-bedroom apartment, you know, and we need a place to go where you see a bunch of other miserable people sit around and eat a corned beef sandwich.

  Jeff Ross

  New York, Home, Self

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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• Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

  Jeff Ross

  Self, Helpful, Self Deprecating

  Fuente: www.npr.org

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