Robert Orben Quotes - Page 2

• Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

  Robert Orben

  Listening, Politics, Painting

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• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Children, Home

  "Something Weird". Attributed in "St. Louis Post-Dispatch", (p. 1D), June 10, 1991.

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• Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Children, Kids

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• These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

  Robert Orben

  Punishment, Tvs, Criminals

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• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

  Robert Orben

  Work, Technology, Geek

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• Las personas mayores no deberían comer comida sana, necesitan todos los conservantes posibles.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Birthday, Fitness

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• Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

  Robert Orben

  Rain, Vacation, Different

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• La contaminación acústica es algo relativo. En una ciudad, es un avión que despega. En un monasterio, es una pluma que rasca.

  Robert Orben

  Cities, Scratches, Jet Planes

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.266, Doubleday

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• Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

  Robert Orben

  Feet, Way, Sticks

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• Cada orador tiene una boca; Un arreglo bastante ordenado. A veces está llena de sabiduría. A veces está llena de pies.

  Robert Orben

  Wisdom, Feet, Mouths

  Robert Orben (2011). “2100 Laughs for All Occasions: Short, Sharp, Topical, and Funny--Arranged in Categories for Reading, Telling, Laughing”, p.146, Main Street Books

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• Anybody with a good sense of humor is one-up on their competition. We respond to somebody who has the ability to make us laugh. It's a bonding influence.

  Robert Orben

  Laughing, Competition, Sense Of Humor

  "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to The White House - The one-laugh-one-vote theory has candidates cracking wise". Kevin Merida, The Dallas Morning News, February 15, 1988.

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• It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

  Robert Orben

  Jobs, Important, Days Off

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• Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

  Robert Orben

  Inspirational, Political, Feelings

  Robert Orben (2012). “Joke Tellers Handbook”, p.90, Doubleday

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• I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

  Robert Orben

  Clothes, Use, Boxers

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• New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!

  Robert Orben

  Cities, Contact, New Yorkers

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• Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

  Robert Orben

  Needs, Too Much, Drink

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• Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

  Robert Orben

  Girl, Funny Love, Confused

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.113, Doubleday

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• I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

  Robert Orben

  Government, Oil, Energy

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• I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

  Robert Orben

  Mom, Baby, Food

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• I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

  Robert Orben

  Morning, Years, Twenties

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• Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

  Robert Orben

  Taxation Without Representation, Might, Wonder

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• Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

  Robert Orben

  Successful, Fortune Cookie, Common

  Robert Orben (1979). “2500 jokes to start 'em laughing”, Doubleday Books

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• The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

  Robert Orben

  Humility, Grace, Crow

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• Brindo por todos los voluntarios, esas personas entregadas que creen en el todo trabajo y nada de sueldo.

  Robert Orben

  Believe, People, Volunteer

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• I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

  Robert Orben

  Couple, Hero, Night

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