Melissa Febos Quotes - Page 2

• Creo que el trauma recibe un tratamiento reduccionista. Tendemos a pensar que sólo la violencia, el abuso sexual o el abandono total pueden considerarse "traumas infantiles", pero hay tantas rupturas y perturbaciones en la infancia que se imprimen en nosotros. El apego engendra trauma, en ese sentido más amplio, así que si alguna vez hemos dependido de alguien, creo que en alguna parte de nosotros hay un plano de Imago.

  Melissa Febos

  Thinking, Attachment, Childhood

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Our lives are a long series of acquiring and then sloughing narratives.

  Melissa Febos

  Long, Narrative, Our Lives

  Source: therumpus.net

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• We often think that "bad" relationships are motivating by self-loathing or a wish for self-destruction, but I think that loving people who hurt us is more tied to a profound and earnest wish to soothe ourselves and recover from older hurts. And I've also found that having empathy for that urge is the best way to move through it, and beyond it.

  Melissa Febos

  Hurt, Moving, Bad Relationship

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Debido a la naturaleza irresistible de nuestros propios Imagos, creo que su réplica en la música es un canto de sirena: nos encantan esas canciones atormentadas, y las escuchamos una y otra vez de la misma manera que nos machacamos con nuestros amantes, o con el mismo tipo de amante, una y otra vez. Esa pulsión es incansable, hasta que se resuelve. Y podemos "disfrutarlo" con seguridad a través de la música, que es un simulacro sobre el que tenemos poder.

  Melissa Febos

  Song, Thinking, Sirens

  Source: therumpus.net

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• You can turn off the song the way you cannot the actual experience.

  Melissa Febos

  Song, Way, Turns

  Source: therumpus.net

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• A lot of the experiences I write about could be described as grasping for boundaries, trying to find the limits of things.

  Melissa Febos

  Writing, Trying, Limits

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Children's stories force logic upon the gruesome facts of our lives. They mirror our troubles and submit them to a chain of causality.

  Melissa Febos

  Children, Mirrors, Stories

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Siempre deseé poder confesarme. Estaba tan llena de cosas que no podía nombrar y tenía el instinto de esconderme. Me sentía agobiada por la soledad de mi vida interior. Quería algún recipiente en el que pudiera vaciarme, algún oído que nunca se escandalizara, aunque me ofreciera algún tipo de penitencia.

  Melissa Febos

  Loneliness, Names, Ears

  Source: therumpus.net

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• When I was in college I started writing prose, because a very smart professor asked me what I like to read and I said, "Novels," and she said, "You should be writing them then." Memoir never even occurred to me. I think I was afraid of nonfiction and I was afraid of navel-gazing, and of being seen.

  Melissa Febos

  Smart, Writing, College

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Even though novels were the love of my life, I started off writing poetry. I think because I had a knack for image and lyricism, even though I didn't really have anything to write about, or I didn't know what to write about. I could just couple words together that pleased me and so poetry seemed sort of natural.

  Melissa Febos

  Pareja, Escribir, Pensar

  Source: therumpus.net

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• You don't know how people are going to respond. But I would add to that, that getting your heart broken is not the worst thing and it's actually quite unavoidable. I think in some ways I had to break my father's heart and then face that in order to have a real relationship with him.

  Melissa Febos

  Father, Real, Heart

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Me writing the book and the subsequent interactions that we had were actually the cap on that experience. We were still in this weird purgatory about it when I published the book. When I gave them the galleys and what ensued after that, then I understood a lot more about our relationships and what the experience meant to them. I'd never wanted to know what they thought about it at all.

  Melissa Febos

  Book, Writing, Our Relationship

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I think that more so, my wonderful skill of dissociation came in very handy. I care very much what other people think. I'm a total pleaser. I want everyone to like me all the time. I feel like people who don't feel that way on some level are lying, but particularly female memoirists. We want to be seen and we want to be forgiven. So that occurred to me very early on.

  Melissa Febos

  Lying, Thinking, Skills

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I couldn't have articulated this process at the time; I just sort of did it instinctually. But now when I talk about this with my students all the time, it's one of the first things I address in memoir classes - that you have to put it all in because you're writing your way into the ending of your own story. Even if you think you know what the story is, you don't until you write it. If you start leaving things out you could leave out vital organs and not know it.

  Melissa Febos

  Writing, Thinking, Class

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Nunca pienso en nada dentro de mi cerebro. Pienso en círculos muy pequeños y repetitivos dentro de mi propio cerebro. Por eso soy escritor. Es la única manera que tengo de llegar a algún tipo de conclusión o comprensión sobre cualquier cosa.

  Melissa Febos

  Thinking, Circles, Understanding

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I tell my students all the time is, for better or worse, no publisher is going to come wrench your story out of your hands before you're ready to let it go. You will have time to take stuff out. You don't have to show it to anybody. That's what I did.

  Melissa Febos

  Hands, Let It Go, Stories

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Creo que el tema de la adicción, porque en mi familia ya me conocían como una persona sexual: como una persona sexualmente aventurera, sexualmente conflictiva y sexualmente impulsiva. Eso ya lo sabían de mí. Lo sabían desde que tenía once años. Mis padres intentaron conscientemente crear un entorno que me protegiera de la drogadicción.

  Melissa Febos

  Thinking, Addiction, Parent

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Cuando ocultas la realidad interior, esta presión aumenta. A menudo no te expones hasta que llegas al extremo, a un punto de ruptura, y lo que surge es un cambio drástico, al menos a los ojos de los demás, a quienes has ocultado la verdad. Así que dejar el instituto fue así para mí. Estaba bien, sacaba sobresalientes, tenía amigos y, de repente, me dije: "Se acabó".

  Melissa Febos

  School, Eye, Reality

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I have replaced my instinct for secrecy with an instinct for confession.

  Melissa Febos

  Instinct, Confession, Secrecy

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I made a conscious decision when I was writing that book to depict in real time how I treated it, and how I thought about it, and how I portrayed it to other people, because I wanted the story to be one of change from that to a more honest appraisal, a more accepting appraisal of myself and other people in that world.

  Melissa Febos

  Real, Libro, Escritura

  Source: therumpus.net

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• The story of the memoir is a story of me creating certain narratives so that I could live with my own experience and with the uneasy relationship between what I was doing and what I believed in - or what I saw as an uneasy relationship between those two things.

  Melissa Febos

  Two, Creating, Stories

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Mi padre fue criado por un alcohólico violento. Había alcoholismo en la familia de mi madre. Soy medio adoptada y mi padre biológico era drogadicto y alcohólico. Así que creo que tomaron decisiones muy conscientemente y me criaron de un modo que pretendía salvarme de eso. Sabía que sería especialmente doloroso, y lo fue, sobre todo para mi padre.

  Melissa Febos

  Madre, Padre, Pensamiento

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I always listen to music when I write! I basically make a playlist for every essay; sometimes it's just one song, or three songs, over and over and over. I sort of find the emotional pitch of the piece, and then match music to it, and then the music becomes a shortcut to the feeling, so I can enter it and work anywhere: on planes, cafes, at work, the train.

  Melissa Febos

  Canción, Escribir, Emoción

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I can only see right in front of me when I'm writing, you know? I never think of it as raw or personal or anything but where I'm at in the moment. But I can see it sort of after I finish.

  Melissa Febos

  Escribir, Pensar, Momentos

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I have always trusted writers, books, thinkers, psychologists in figuring things out. Maybe because they don't know me, so they are always honest, if that makes sense. Their wisdom and counsel are always unconditional.

  Melissa Febos

  Book, Honest, Psychologist

  Source: therumpus.net

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