Melissa Febos Quotes

• Abandonment by a lover won't kill us. But it awakens the parts of us that remember when it could.

  Melissa Febos

  Lovers, Remember, Remember When

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Estaba en la fantasía. Me estaba vendiendo la fantasía mientras lo hacía. Nunca se me ocurrió. Tomé notas, pero sólo porque soy escritor. He sido escritor desde que tenía cinco años. No tienes ningún tipo de experiencia extravagante, impactante, extraordinaria, horripilante sin escribirla, porque sé y sabía que se te olvidan las cosas. Por muy extravagante y asombrosa y extraordinaria y aparentemente inolvidable que sea una experiencia, es como un sueño. Se erosionará inevitablemente, para mí.

  Melissa Febos

  Dream, Writing, Erode

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• It has been my experience that the people I judge most harshly are the ones in whom I recognize some part of myself.

  Melissa Febos

  People, Judging, Has Beens

  "Whip Smart: A Memoir". Book by Melissa Febos, therumpus.net. 2010.

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• I can still discern people's weaknesses, but it doesn't make me want to exploit them; it makes me want to hug them.

  Melissa Febos

  People, Hug, Weakness

  Interview With Rebecca Keith, therumpus.net. April 2, 2010.

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• New York at night, from its bridges, is a miracle. When I first came to the city, it took all my fantasies and set them on fire, turned them into flickering constellations of light.

  Melissa Febos

  New York, Night, Fire

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• Anyone who makes a life of what they love is a hero to me, and it's important for those people to be visible in every kind of life, every kind of love, every kind of work.

  Melissa Febos

  Hero, Love Is, People

  Interview With Rebecca Keith, therumpus.net. April 2, 2010.

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• I could not kick heroin to save my life, literally, until I started telling my secrets. It was some of the clearest evidence I've ever found of anything. It was the only immediate change in behavior I've ever undergone. I told the most frightening truths, and I was free.

  Melissa Febos

  Secret, Heroin, Behavior

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• I see consensual S&M no differently than I see consensual anything: as beautiful, and never any one thing.

  Melissa Febos

  Beautiful, One Thing

  Interview with Rebecca Keith, therumpus.net. April 2, 2010.

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• Fiction stymies me with its possibility. I can't see the bottom and I freeze, cling to the side, or just choke. In nonfiction, particularly that which takes personal narrative for its primary topic, I have a finite space and a finite amount of material. I can't fabricate material, I can only shape and burrow into it.

  Melissa Febos

  Space, Fiction, Shapes

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Being a dominatrix, sticking my foot up people's asses for money, necessitated that I divorce myself from any sort of objective perspective on what I was doing. In order to think about things as a writer you have to objectify your experience. I couldn't have been enacting that experience if I was objectifying it.

  Melissa Febos

  Divorce, Thinking, Order

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• The frustration of being marginalized often gets misdirected at the most visible members of one's own community, because they are more accessible than the real agents of marginalization.

  Melissa Febos

  Real, Frustration, Community

  "Carnal Knowledge". Interview with Marie-Helene Westgate, www.guernicamag.com. February 15, 2013.

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• I think that's the job of the writer, right? Not to introduce new ideas or feelings, but to name the ones we know most intimately but are afraid of speaking, or don't have the words. That's what I find most powerful anyway.

  Melissa Febos

  Powerful, Thinking, Feelings

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• I do believe that we all have these stories inside of us, these scars that we compulsive worry as we do wounds, and that drive for redemption, to change the story or resolve it, governs a lot of what we do in love. We are irresistibly drawn to opportunities to reenact those traumas out of a desire to heal, not to punish ourselves.

  Melissa Febos

  Believe, Opportunity, Worry

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• No sabía lo suficiente como escritora para entender por qué tenía que hacer esto, pero comprendí de una manera muy visceral que no podía tener esos pensamientos de complacer a la gente y escribir este libro, que sería un libro muy diferente. Sin investigar realmente ese instinto, de lo que me alegro, tomé la decisión consciente de ponerme una venda en los ojos, no pensar en nada y ponerme manos a la obra. Y lo hice. Lo metí todo. Tuve que mirar el cuadro completo para ver lo que necesitaba.

  Melissa Febos

  Libro, Escritura, Pensamiento

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• You don't have to write like David Foster Wallace or James Baldwin or Maggie Nelson - indeed, you shouldn't. Those writers are doing it better than you ever could.

  Melissa Febos

  Writing, Maggie, Nelson

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Sometimes I see my students, especially the ones with a gift for the lyrical, reaching far outside the realm of their own experience for language and images. I understand this impulse. We think, in the beginning, that striking exotic words together will create something entirely new. That we must be worldly in our vocabulary. We idolize the styles of other writers and don't trust or perhaps yet know our own.

  Melissa Febos

  Thinking, Vocabulary, Style

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Torch songs are confessions. They are an expression of feeling that cannot be concealed or contained or minimized. They are marked by anguish, yes, but also by yielding.

  Melissa Febos

  Song, Expression, Feelings

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• The craft work becomes a mediator between me and my secrets, between me and the listener.

  Melissa Febos

  Secret, Crafts, Mediators

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Letting go of the cozy stories you've been carrying around is devastating. But there's more room for new stuff after you do it.

  Melissa Febos

  Dejar ir

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Being celibate was so wonderful. It taught me a lot about love, but even more about my own self outside of love. I'd never met myself out of love before, really.

  Melissa Febos

  Love Is, Wonderful

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• Children's stories force logic upon the gruesome facts of our lives. They mirror our troubles and submit them to a chain of causality.

  Melissa Febos

  Children, Mirrors, Stories

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• At a glance, addiction, sex work, mad passion, and all forms of extreme behavior might look like pushing or trying to obliterate boundaries when, more honestly, they are a search for them. I want to find the endpoint, the place where my own powers end, so I can yield to something that I'm certain is bigger than me.

  Melissa Febos

  Sex, Passion, Yield

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• A lot of the experiences I write about could be described as grasping for boundaries, trying to find the limits of things.

  Melissa Febos

  Writing, Trying, Limits

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• The lovers enter into a story together - "this how we met, this is how we were meant for each other" - and then at some point (in my experience, at least), the story splits, and they no longer share it. Then, you either change the story, or you break up. I've always broken up.

  Melissa Febos

  Broken, Together, Stories

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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• I think we all are born inside of our parents' narratives. We stay there for a good while. We are taught their narratives about everything: their marriage, the world, God, gender, identity, etcetera. Then, at some point, our own narrative develops too much integrity to live inside that story. We don't ever fully escape it, but we move into our own stories.

  Melissa Febos

  Integrity, Moving, Thinking

  Fuente: therumpus.net

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