Mike Harding Quotes

• Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.

  Mike Harding

  Baby, Father, Humorous

  46 Copiar cita

• In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.

  Mike Harding

  Dog, Strong, Humorous

  9 Copiar cita

• The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Dying, Female

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• If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Men, Land

  4 Copiar cita

• British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs. They also believe that if you sleep with your head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Believe, Fall

  4 Copiar cita

• Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Phones, Doors

  4 Copiar cita

• America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Tired, Discovery

  7 Copiar cita

• Si se ve obligado a viajar en avión, intente ir en la cabina con el capitán, para poder vigilarle y darle un codazo si se queda dormido o señalarle las montañas que se avecinan.

  Mike Harding

  Fall, Airplane, Eye

  10 Copiar cita

• The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.

  Mike Harding

  Running, Mistake, Humorous

  4 Copiar cita

• The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Holiday, Mean

  4 Copiar cita

• ... El himno [nacional] de los anarquistas es un himno internacional que consiste en 365 frambuesas sopladas en rápida sucesión al son de Camptown Races. Nadie tiene que defenderlo, nadie tiene que escucharlo y, mejor aún, nadie tiene que tocarlo.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Race, Play

  12 Copiar cita

• Bare Foot Folk and is full of really interesting songs, Ange Hardy takes folk tales and creates new folk songs that sound traditional around the story. This is one she's called mother willow tree, it's beautiful

  Mike Harding

  Beautiful, Mother, Song

  4 Copiar cita

• The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Sunday, Pigs

  4 Copiar cita

• The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron Hans Neizant B ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K oln in 1653.

  Mike Harding

  Laughter, Humorous, Squares

  4 Copiar cita

• Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Men, Giving

  4 Copiar cita

• When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

  Mike Harding

  Humorous, Moon, Men

  4 Copiar cita

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