Adam Carolla Funny Quotes

• Cuando me tiro un pedo, mi culo emite un sonido de trompeta que anuncia la llegada del olor.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Olor

• Practicar sexo sin preservativo es como montar en una montaña rusa con diarrea. No puedes levantar las manos y disfrutar.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Sexo, Humor

• No deberías comer nada que tarde seis minutos en calentarse en el microondas.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Seis

  Adam Carolla (2010). "Dentro de cincuenta años todos seremos chicas", p.208, Crown Archetype

• That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Philosophical, Humor

• Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Gusto

  "The Man Show". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1999 - 2014.

• Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Chance

• Si eres un tío, no tienes ni idea de lo que pasa en ningún momento de la relación, nunca. Esto es lo que sabes: sabes cuándo te estás acostando con alguien y sabes cuándo todo ha terminado. Esas son las únicas dos cosas de las que eres consciente.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Ideas

• When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Kings, Sex

  "The Man Show". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1999 - 2014.

• Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Pensamiento

• I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Differences

• You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Hogar, Humor

• I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

• I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

• When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Crecer, Humor

• Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Giving

• I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Dad, Humor

• Me pasaba el día en casa de alguien o en el tejado y me sentía solo, loco, y la radio se convirtió en una voz tranquilizadora en mi vida. Pero la idea de estar ganando 10 dólares la hora y apilando paneles de yeso mientras estos tipos ganaban cientos de miles, y estaban de fiesta, y había Playmates y buenos momentos, simplemente no podía imaginármelo.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Lonely, Crazy

• Doy a las mujeres dos tipos de orgasmos. Falsos y ninguno.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

  Publicación en FaceBook de Adam Carolla del 24 de octubre de 2013.

• If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Tuning

• I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Nice, Humor

• I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

• Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Care

• He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Guy

• All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

  Adam Carolla

  Divertido, Humor, Querer

• Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Naps

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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