Steven Wright Quotes - Page 10

• I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Aprendizaje, Humor

  5 Copiar cita

• Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Agents

  10 Copiar cita

• En retrospectiva, me di cuenta de que podía ver el futuro. Que es algo así como tener premoniciones de flashbacks.

  Steven Wright

  Insightful, Kind, Hindsight

  18 Copiar cita

• I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

  Steven Wright

  Food, Humor, Cooking

  66 Copiar cita

• Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Negocios, Humor

  10 Copiar cita

• I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

  Steven Wright

  Reading, Speed, Bookmarks

  8 Copiar cita

• A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Friendship, Taken

  11 Copiar cita

• All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

  Steven Wright

  Cat, People, Insanity

  24 Copiar cita

• ¿Toman café los empleados de Lipton?

  Steven Wright

  Coffee, Comedy, Break

  64 Copiar cita

• It's a fine night to have an evening.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Humor, Noche

  4 Copiar cita

• ¿No odias cuando se te duerme la mano y sabes que va a estar despierta toda la noche?

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Odio, Otoño

  16 Copiar cita

• Conecté el pedal del acelerador de mi coche a las luces de freno. Pisé el acelerador, la gente detrás de mí se detuvo, y me fui.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Light

  56 Copiar cita

• I had amnesia once or twice.

  Steven Wright

  Amnesia

  11 Copiar cita

• Is it possible to be totally partial?

  Steven Wright

  7 Copiar cita

• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

  Steven Wright

  Thinking, Comedy, Express Yourself

  "Biografía / Citas personales". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copiar cita

• I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Friends, Humor

  22 Copiar cita

• Yo estuve en el primer submarino. En lugar de un periscopio, tenían un caleidoscopio. "Estamos rodeados."

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Submarines

  8 Copiar cita

• Me arrestaron por hacer playback en un karaoke.

  Steven Wright

  Karaoke, Lips, Arrested

  20 Copiar cita

• My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Thickness

  19 Copiar cita

• The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Humor, Espera

  8 Copiar cita

• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Littles

  11 Copiar cita

• Do fish get cramps after eating?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Eating

  8 Copiar cita

• One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Humor, Casa

  4 Copiar cita

• Estoy escribiendo un libro. Tengo los números de página hechos.

  Steven Wright

  Divertido, Ingenioso, Humorístico

  13 Copiar cita

• I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

  Steven Wright

  Car, Comedian, Sound

  5 Copiar cita

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