Paula Poundstone Quotes - Page 2

• My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off the kitchen table. She said, 'Well, dammit, we can't have nice things.'

  Paula Poundstone

  Mom, Nice, Kids

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• Probablemente nunca tendré hijos porque no creo en tocar a la gente por ningún motivo.

  Paula Poundstone

  Niños, Creer, Gente

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• He decidido que tal vez soy bulímica y se me olvida purgarme.

  Paula Poundstone

  Ejercicio, Dieta, Peso

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• Cuando estemos a la altura de nuestra Constitución, formemos una fila de conga alrededor del Capitolio y hagamos puenting desde la cúpula.

  Paula Poundstone

  Lines, Domes, Constitution

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• If only someone would do for cows what Bambi did for deer. Cows have been in films, but they haven't starred. I'm still willing to eat a species that is only a supporting player.

  Paula Poundstone

  Player, Cows, Deer

  "Lean, Green Fighting Machine" by Paula Pounstone, www.motherjones.com. March/April 1997.

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• The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.

  Paula Poundstone

  Reading, Book, Thought Provoking

  "Richard Lewis, Julie Halston, Paula Poundstone and More Set for August Comedy Nights at Bay Street". www.broadwayworld.com. July 27, 2016.

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• I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.

  Paula Poundstone

  New Experiences, Want, Observation

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• I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

  Paula Poundstone

  Speeding, Persons, Knows

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• I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.

  Paula Poundstone

  Mom, Dog, Sex

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• When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.

  Paula Poundstone

  School, Voice, Giving

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

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• When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

  Paula Poundstone

  Party, Rain, Noise

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

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• Hablando de éxitos felices, tras años luchando por perder esos kilos de más que toda madre coge durante la adopción, sobre todo cuando el médico ordena reposo en cama, en 2004 envié a mi ayudante a Gap con gafas oscuras y un carné falso para comprar mi primer par de vaqueros Easy Fit.

  Paula Poundstone

  Mother, Struggle, Dark

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• I've always thought that if my death was imminent, I would read. When I can't focus on a book, I tend to keep reading the same page. My guess is, I would've read, like the first page of Nicholas Nickleby over and over again.

  Paula Poundstone

  Book, Reading, Focus

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• I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

  Paula Poundstone

  Alaska, Taught Us, California

  "Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers" by Paula Poundstone, November 26, 2008.

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• I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

  Paula Poundstone

  Talking, Land, World

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• My problem, I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food. But you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea - that period between when it's like, hard as a rock to when it's smushy inside, is about ten minutes.

  Paula Poundstone

  Kids, Healthy, Age

  "Food Expert Michael Pollan Plays 'Not My Job'". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. May 13, 2011.

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• I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.

  Paula Poundstone

  Horse, Gambling, Want

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• The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

  Paula Poundstone

  Dormir, Definiciones, Querer

  "At 59, What is My Favorite Cheap Thrill?" by Roz Warren, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 26, 2013.

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• No tengo cuenta bancaria porque no sé el apellido de soltera de mi madre.

  Paula Poundstone

  Funny, Mother, Money

  "On Location: Women of the Night". Comedy, 1987.

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• President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.

  Paula Poundstone

  Country, Hate, Blow

  "Celebrate Bad Times, Come On!" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. January 7, 2009.

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• I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.

  Paula Poundstone

  Dream, Work, House

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• When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.

  Paula Poundstone

  Writing, Cutting, Talking

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• I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase "family values" and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met Barbara Bush and, as I expected, she was a tank with eyes, not a nice person at all and why should that blow anybody away?

  Paula Poundstone

  Sweet, Nice, Eye

  "MotherJones MA93: Hey Paula!". www.motherjones.com. March/April 1993.

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• I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

  Paula Poundstone

  Alabama, Done, Months

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• The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't do it, then no one is sure it should be done.

  Paula Poundstone

  Years, Example, Done

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