Alan Coren Quotes

• Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

  Alan Coren

  Beautiful, Yesterday, Tomorrow May Never Come

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• To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.

  Alan Coren

  Life, Purpose, Purpose Of Life

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• Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

  Alan Coren

  Freedom, Thinking, Democracies Have

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A veces me pregunto si los fabricantes de artículos a prueba de tontos tienen a uno o dos tontos en nómina para probar las cosas.

  Alan Coren

  Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Fools Day

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• Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

  Alan Coren

  Personalidad

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• Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

  Alan Coren

  Sea, Land, Doe

  "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.

  14 Copiar cita

• There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

  Alan Coren

  Water, Age, Mystery

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• In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, I know one boy who won't be sweating. I intend to raise my coffin-lid briskly, throw a few things into an overnight bag, and, whistling something appropriate, prepare to meet my Maker.

  Alan Coren

  Strong, Men, Boys

  Alan Coren (1965). “The dog it was that died”

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• Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

  Alan Coren

  Should Have, Interesting, People

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• Can anything match that first fine discovery of the telephone and all it stood for? That first realization that, contained within ten simple digits, lay the infinitely possible? Out there ... lay six billion ears, all the people in the world available for contact and mystery and insult, unable to resist the beckoning of one small and villainous forefinger.

  Alan Coren

  Simple, Discovery, People

  Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.126, Canongate Books

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• All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

  Alan Coren

  Bird, Sparrows, Pigeons

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• Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

  Alan Coren

  Country, Bread, World

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• Lamentablemente, como ocurre con tantas cosas sobre los héroes de la historia, lo difícil es detectar la fama potencial, ya sea publicando sus poemas, colgando sus cuadros o comprando su ropa interior vieja. Pensemos en los grandes hombres cuyas vidas transcurrieron entre la penuria y la tos seca debido al desconocimiento público de que su más pequeña posesión acabaría en Sothebys o en el sótano de Fort Knox.

  Alan Coren

  Hero, Men, Thinking

  Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.118, Canongate Books

  13 Copiar cita

• The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

  Alan Coren

  Mean, Provocative, Policy

  The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions 'A Short History of Insurance'

  9 Copiar cita

• Dado que sus dos productos nacionales, la nieve y el chocolate, se derriten, el reloj de cuco se inventó únicamente para dar a los turistas algo sólido con lo que recordarla.

  Alan Coren

  Funny, Humor, Order

  Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.184, Canongate Books

  9 Copiar cita

• English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots.

  Alan Coren

  Sweet, Flower, Passion

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• A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

  Alan Coren

  Morning, Rough Day, Harder

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• Disneyworld... is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin's, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan's. It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.

  Alan Coren

  Historical, Magic, Vision

  "Tissues for Men". Book by Alan Coren, 1980.

  5 Copiar cita

• Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a "Wirtschaftswunder," which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one."

  Alan Coren

  War, Way, Lasts

  "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.

  9 Copiar cita

• Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)

  Alan Coren

  Dog, Shepherds, Jacob

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• Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic... being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC; why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.

  Alan Coren

  Believe, Sweden, Way

  "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.

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• The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

  Alan Coren

  Divertido, Otoño, Humor

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• The word "souvenir" has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.

  Alan Coren

  Today, Useless, Cigarette

  Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.183, Canongate Books

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• 10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?

  Alan Coren

  War, Bed, Three

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