Alonzo Bodden frases

• I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Black, Old Days, Good Old Days

  14 Copiar cita

• No entendía la NASCAR hasta que conocí a algunos aficionados. Habla con un par de aficionados a la NASCAR y verás cómo un coche brillante circulando en círculo les fascina todo el día. Y puedo burlarme de los fans de la NASCAR, porque si me persiguen, simplemente giro a la derecha.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Couple, Fun, Circles

  9 Copiar cita

• Me gustan las psicópatas... Si te enrollas con una psicópata, vas a aprender algo. Lo primero que aprendes es a dormir con un ojo abierto.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Sleep, Eye, Hook

  15 Copiar cita

• We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Fun, Shoes, Waiting

  9 Copiar cita

• Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Women, Years, Trying

  7 Copiar cita

• A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Hurt, Laughing, Focus

  9 Copiar cita

• Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Airplane, People, Black

  7 Copiar cita

• I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Airplane, School, Wish

  5 Copiar cita

• I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Strong, Gay, Blow

  8 Copiar cita

• I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Burning Down, Fantasy, Claims

  7 Copiar cita

• Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.

  Alonzo Bodden

  People, Black, Matter

  8 Copiar cita

• In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Mean, Fake, Listening

  8 Copiar cita

• Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Sides, Boat

  4 Copiar cita

• Siempre hay algo que nos va a matar. Hace unos años, los tomates iban a matarnos y unos años antes fueron las espinacas. La FDA está dirigida por un niño de 7 años que odia las verduras.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Running, Hate, Kids

  7 Copiar cita

• Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Beautiful, Laughter, Nice

  4 Copiar cita

• I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Men, Car, Asian

  5 Copiar cita

• I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Hurt, Grew Up, Starbucks

  4 Copiar cita

• There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Names, Giving, Goal

  4 Copiar cita

• Soy un hombre negro, mayor de 40 años, sin hijos, que vive en los suburbios... querían meterme en un museo. ¿Por qué me mudé a los suburbios? Empecé a ver Mujeres desesperadas. Si la comedia no funcionaba, siempre podía probar con la jardinería.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Moving, Kids, Museums

  5 Copiar cita

• Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Something New, Disappear

  4 Copiar cita

• They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Thinking, Ideas, Duvets

  4 Copiar cita

• I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Fun, Nice, Teaching

  5 Copiar cita

• I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Passion, World, Imagine

  4 Copiar cita

• I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Honest, Comic, Used

  5 Copiar cita

• Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Home, Stuff, Jewelry

  5 Copiar cita

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