Chic Murray Quotes

• After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  "One-line genius" by Duncan Campbell, www.theguardian.com. March 16, 2007.

  50 Copiar cita

• I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Dog, Mad

  46 Copiar cita

• I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Mañana, Humor

  12 Copiar cita

• If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Hell

  4 Copiar cita

• The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Eggs

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• She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Tattoo, Girl

  17 Copiar cita

• I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Querer

  12 Copiar cita

• I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Scotch

  11 Copiar cita

• Allí estaba yo, tirado en la cuneta. Un hombre se detuvo y me preguntó: "¿Qué te pasa? ¿Te has caído?" Le dije: "No. Llevaba una barra de caramelo en el bolsillo trasero y quería romperla".

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Lying, Fall

  19 Copiar cita

• I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Vaquero

  15 Copiar cita

• My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Padre, Humor

  10 Copiar cita

• I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Teacher, Humor

  7 Copiar cita

• Mi mujer fue a un salón de belleza y le pusieron una manta de barro; durante dos días estuvo guapa, luego se le cayó el barro.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Nice, Humor

  11 Copiar cita

• My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Padre

  14 Copiar cita

• My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Madre, Padre

  15 Copiar cita

• My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Perro, Humor

  12 Copiar cita

• El verano pasado llevé a mi padre de viaje en autocar. Estábamos a mitad de camino cuando el conductor perdió el control del autocar, voló colina abajo por una curva y se estrelló contra un muro de ladrillo. Yo no me hice daño, pero por suerte mi padre tuvo la presencia de ánimo de darme una patada en la cabeza.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Summer, Hurt

  13 Copiar cita

• It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

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• Tenemos vidrieras en casa; son esas malditas palomas.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Gafas

  14 Copiar cita

• I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Beber, Humor

  4 Copiar cita

• A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Luxury

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• I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Missing

  30 Copiar cita

• The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Dos

  9 Copiar cita

• A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

  Chic Murray

  Divertido, Humor, Hombres

  8 Copiar cita

• I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

  Chic Murray

  Funny, Humor, Moon

  4 Copiar cita

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