Amy Schumer Funny Quotes

• We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

  Amy Schumer

  Funny, Kids, Different

• Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

  Amy Schumer

  Funny, Thinking, Comedy

• I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

  Amy Schumer

  Funny, Guy, Brunch

• Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

  Amy Schumer

  Inspirational, Funny, Pilates

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