Robert Klein Quotes

• Fear is the greatest salesman.

  Robert Klein

  Vendedor

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• I was in the De Witt Clinton Hight School marching band. One of the worst bands ever formed. When we played the national anthem, people from every country stood - except Americans.

  Robert Klein

  País, Escuela, Gente

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• In the book of things people more often do wrong than right, investing must certainly top the list, followed closely by wallpapering and eating artichokes

  Robert Klein

  Book, People, Investing

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• La comedia sigue viva y sigue habiendo gente divertida. Los judíos siguen estando sobrerrepresentados en la comedia y la psiquiatría e infrarrepresentados en el sacerdocio. Ese humor judío inmigrante sigue entre nosotros.

  Robert Klein

  People, Alive, Comedy

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• According to one account of the New York City schools during the 1950s: The teacher could not technically hit the child, but the old crones found ways of skirting the rules. The push-probe-pull method was popular, in which the teacher would not hit you, but would poke you with her gnarled, witch-like fingers and grab your face like a taffy pull until you screamed. ... The pull-and-choke was also a favorite. It was executed by pulling the compulsory necktie up like a noose, until the errant boy's face turned the school colors.

  Robert Klein

  Bullying, Teacher, New York

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• In the fifties I had dreams about touching a naked woman and she would turn to bronze or the dream about hot dogs chasing donuts through the Lincoln Tunnel.

  Robert Klein

  Dream, Dog, Tunnels

  "Interview with Robert Klein, Barbara Kline, Linda Ellerbee, Richard Haass, Larry King's Children". "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

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• I have a work-out regime; I am not a maniac. It sounds cliche, but stand-up comedy, doing a one-man show, helps keep me young, and yes, it is exhausting, but I don't collapse.

  Robert Klein

  Men, Work Out, Sound

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• Entraba en la escuela, olía ese olor institucional a sopa de tomate, mantequilla de cacahuete, desinfectante y baño de chicos. Pasaba por el comedor y veía a la señora del comedor con el vestido blanco y una redecilla en el pelo. Al cabo de 50 años de distinguido servicio, el Consejo de Educación le entrega una redecilla de bronce con su nombre. Se debe a la norma del Consejo de Educación de mantener su pelo fuera de la comida.

  Robert Klein

  School, Boys, Hair

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• I learned more at The Second City than I did at Yale for all that high tuition.

  Robert Klein

  Yale, Cities, Tuition

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• But I think the other is a little more like bullfighting, a little more daring and although I appreciate good acting and I liked being versatile my whole career, it kept me working.

  Robert Klein

  Lucha, Pensamiento, Carreras

  "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

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• And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.

  Robert Klein

  Drama, Escuela, Yale

  "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

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• My son has been a class clown and it sort of ran in the family.

  Robert Klein

  Son, Class, Clown

  "Interview with Robert Klein, Barbara Kline, Linda Ellerbee, Richard Haass, Larry King's Children". "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

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• [T]he Super Bowl, the quintessential American creation. A dizzying mélange of brilliant entrepreneurship in an atmosphere of intense competition. It is the perfect show for the most intensely competitive culture in this solar system.

  Robert Klein

  Perfect, Competition, Atmosphere

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• I have no statistics to prove it, but I'm sure the American workplace will be adversely affected on Monday, the day after XXIV. The game will be the focus of conversation, and distractions happy and sad will be the order of the day, not to mention millions of hangovers. I wouldn't buy a toaster or a parachute manufactured the day after Super Bowl XXIV. You cannot engender such torrid anticipation for an event so great that it requires Roman numerals as a suffix, then expect there to be no social repercussions at its end.

  Robert Klein

  Monday, Hangover, Order

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• The `50s were terrifying with nuclear bomb stuff but boring in a social way and then the `60s were happening, and remember, there was no AIDS.

  Robert Klein

  Nuclear, Bombs, Stuff

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